It Wasn't Meant To Be This Way...

This is not how I wanted it at all. This was supposed to be my time to get really fit, loose some weight, have some fun and get to run the London Marathon. Instead it's turned into a long. pain strewn slog that I am not sure I am enjoying or is worth it. Right now I guage my chances as 50/50 - that's probably being a little pessimistic but frankly I am fed up with the pain.

It's not that it hurts when I run, or that I never know what's going to happen when I run. Will my calf do the thing where it feels weak? Will the pain in my ankle be sharp or dull? Will it all seize up if I have to stop for traffic? It's also that it just hurts. It's only been the last week or so that I wake up and that's not the first thing I think about because I feel it straight away. It's only been the last week or so that I can go downstairs without really thinking about it. Yet it does still just hurt - all the time.

I am trying to be bloody minded about it. Long gone is the idea of getting around in less that 4 hours - now it is just about getting round. I could defer - and I still might - but then what's to say that something similar won't happen next year. I am determined to get on that start line the question is in what shape?

Sunday will be a real check point as I am scheduled (on my new schedule) to run 11 miles. I have no doubt that I can complete the distance it's all about what the reaction is from my ankle afterwards. Then of course there is also what toll this injury is taking on other bits of my body.
Last week when my leg felt like it was on backwards I found I was twisting my back when I ran which was causing pain there.

You know if I do make it to that start line - and hopefully then to the finish line - at least no one will be able to accuse me on not trying!

I just need to practice the correct mantras: pain is my friend, pain is just weakness leaving my body and my current favourite use the pain, wrestle it down

Oh alright then 60/40 in favour of running - bring it on!